Same Difference: Console Edition
The case of two remarkably similar boxes.
First of all, I’ve gotta say RESPECT to the Reddit crew who loved my work last time. You guys rock! You know the FACTS!
And just for you guys, who are BEHIND me, here’s a special on generation 8 of the Console War.
The Xbone is Microsoft doing what they do best. Building kick ass consoles that kick ass. While kicking ass. Damn, I got my X to the Z on today.
The PS4 is Sony trying to reprise the success they got on the PS1 by actually getting some games for it instead. That supposedly bounces towards you like a Weeping Angel.
And then there’s that Nintendo SNES U thing, but we’re not meant to be looking at baby toys.
Does this mean they’re not the same console? No. What proves things is FACTS.
FACT: You’re looking at an awful lot of dollar.
Xbone: $499 and that’s a FACT. That’s quality you’re paying for with quantity.
PS4: The mere FACT someone hasn’t brought out an edgy name should tell you enough. The embarrassingly low number of $399 shows it’s only 4/5ths of the priciness of the Xbone.
WII-U: Comes in at a laughable $250. I’ve played one and it was rubbish. Let’s just chuck this out now.
FACT: Both consoles ignore their parents.
You might think this sounds really cool, but it really isn’t. No backwards compatibility means no playing older games. That means if I want to have a Call of Duty marathon, which is like every day, I have to plug in my Xbox and my Xbox 360 and now my Xbone, while two different Kinects are looking at me. Creepy, man.
Equally, if I want to run a Royal Rumble of wrestling titles on my Playstations, I’ve got to have 4 going. That may not sound much to you, but have you ever tried plugging in spaghetti? I’m almost having a Lady and the Tramp moment here. Without the kissing. Or the dogs. Though when I get my own place, there’ll be dogs as well.
FACT: Numbers. They’re like the FACTS of Math.
Fourteen is the magic number for the Xbone. Coming out 2014, or near enough, it has 14 different ways of pressing on the controller and the 14th letter of the alphabet is N. What letter does the Xbone have that the other two haven’t? Yeah, you guessed it.
And the games: 19 launch titles, two of them as 14th sequels (FIFA 14 and NBA Live 14) and three being exclusives: Nineteen minus two minus three is… fourteen.
PS4 though looks like an eight. Eighth generation with eight gig and eight x86-64 cores, started in 2008.
14 is bigger than 8. That’s a MATH FACT.
FACT: They’re both black boxes.
What did Alienware, Nintendo and the PS1 teach you? Individualized cases are cool. Like skateboards. If I want to take my board to my friends house, I want it to look pimped. Not like some PC modder has stuck his Raspberry Pi in a shoe box.
Gotta mark you both down for not listening to the fans here guys. And I don’t mean the ones that catch all the dirt. If my iPhone has a case that says “I’m better than Blackberry”, I want my console to say “I own” too.
FACT: Games Galore.
Xbone: Call of Duty: Ghosts. You can have a dog. Is there anything more brilliant than that? I’m going for a bull mastiff called Tyson.
Watchdogs as well. Can’t wait to have another dog game – not heard what dogs you can have in this though.
Wolfenstein: The New Order: Killing Nazis – ’nuff said.
PS4: Warframe. Robot ninjas – again.
DC Universe. Batman owns – but you don’t get to play Batman, which sucks.
The Last of Us. Last of them morelike.
FACT: A controller by any other name would frag just as sweet.
Each has its own set of gizmos, but are they just the same thing with different names?
Playstation Eye or Kinect 2: Which is better? There’s no FACTS there.
Xbox Live versus PSN: Live is too expensive, PSN is unreliable.
This is almost sounding like a FACT-BLAST, let’s get to it!
BLU-RAY, 4K SUPPORT, HARD-DRIVE, CONTROLLERS, BLUETOOTH…Oh man, Microsoft is the first to lose out, no Bluetooth.
But who the hell uses Bluetooth apart from phreakers? PS4 probably still does QRs.
FACT: Tell, Don’t Show.
That’s another Journalism quote – it means that what you say is more important than what you can put on screen. PS4 may have hundreds of games where things turn into Skittles and fly about the place, but the Xbone has sexy pictures of Cortana in Halo 5. I know what I’d rather look at.
And with the awesome stuff you’ve seen at E3, you know the Xbone trashes the PS4, and tells it that it’ll all be over soon. Kiefer Sunderland is the new Snake? He ROCKED in Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.
By now you’re thinking, “Hey, I know sKanDLe, he’s telling me to buy the Xbone.”
WRONG! WRONGITY WRONG! THAT’S NOT A FACT!
FACT: THE XBONE, THE PS4 AND THE WII-U ARE THE SAME CONSOLE.
You know what a generation is, don’t you? All the guys you went to school with are your generation. They’re all the same, aren’t they? The clue is in the question, my friends. All the Generation Eight consoles are expensive, 8 core CPU, 8 Gigabyte Memory Boxes with Blu-Ray and Motion Sensors that are always online. And that’s a FACT.
You may want to argue this, but you know in your heart that you’re wrong and I’m right.
Any geek on the internet starts giving you trouble talking to you about games or consoles?
You come back to me and I’ll make sure they know the FACTS.
I’m outta here. Peace.
TL;DR: Basically hardcore gamer. 100%ed Battlefield on first try.